Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize