In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
