if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
