Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize