I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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