i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
