two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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