he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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