She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
