that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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