I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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