the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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