i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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