They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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