guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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