just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
