just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
