fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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