idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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