It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
