I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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