Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
