wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
