you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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