Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
