Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pants are for mortals
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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