you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize