I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
