how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met the friendliest cop last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
