I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
