I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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