I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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