I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
