she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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