i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
