She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
