if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
