I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
