3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
