Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
