she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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