Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
