Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
