Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
