Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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