We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
