Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
