i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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