He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Someone shattered a urinal.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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