is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
