Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I did not marry a roomba.
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