her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
