I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
my poor anus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize