I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize