Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
