I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
