Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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