I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
