Pants 0. Shit 1.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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