is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
