I can text with my tongue
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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