Buhtt sex?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
