It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
