i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
