Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
