We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
