where am i from again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
